mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
