I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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