I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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