So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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