Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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