Yo dont text me then not text me
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
