just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
