We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
