I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
