All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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