So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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