It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just found puke in my bra..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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