someone get that fucking seahorse.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i now understand why vodka
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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