So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My cat gives me a boner
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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