i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
