He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
