Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
