I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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