dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
