The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize