why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
