I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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