I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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