If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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