So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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