i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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