i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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