We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Actions speak louder than pants.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
