I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize