hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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