im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
