when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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