A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize