she looked like the before picture.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
