you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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