i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
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