i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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