Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
