Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
