So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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