He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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