She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
