He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
