hell yes lets make some ravioli
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
