Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
