is your mom at the bar?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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