he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
