My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
