we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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