so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
