I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
