I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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