Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
