so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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