Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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