It's Friday. Sex?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize