mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
