My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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