my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This is the prime rib incident all over again
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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