honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
