And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
