And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
As shirtless as possible
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
