im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
