Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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