Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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