The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
