those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
