if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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