I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Someone shit on the floor
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
