I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
