I accidentally burped into my bong.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
