i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
