oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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