I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
