I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
