He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
