I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
