Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
