Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize