good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
