I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Let's paint friendship bongs
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
