He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
