Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize