Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize