never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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