Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize