Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
